SFGS80

By Published On: February 21, 2024

Lorem ipsum arcticus ridiculosum! Blizzard adjusts his too-tight necktie as he lumbers through the revolving doors of Glacial Innovations Inc., fifteen minutes late as usual. The receptionist, a no-nonsense arctic fox, barely glances up as she hands him his security badge, which perpetually hangs comically small against his massive chest.

The morning status meeting is already underway when Blizzard squeezes his substantial posterior into a chair clearly designed for creatures half his size. It creaks ominously throughout the presentation on “Sustainable Fishing Practices in a Warming Climate.” Blizzard attempts to take notes with a pencil that disappears between his enormous digits, resulting in hieroglyphic-like scribbles that even he can’t decipher later.

By 11 AM, Blizzard is scheduled to lead a training session for new hires. The projector remote, with its tiny buttons, becomes an exercise in frustration as he repeatedly advances twenty slides instead of one. The walrus interns politely pretend not to notice when he accidentally shows vacation photos of himself belly-sliding across an ice floe.

Lunchtime in the cafeteria presents its own challenges. Today’s special—”Fish Surprise”—disappoints Blizzard, who can detect that it’s been frozen for months. He sits alone at his reinforced table, scrolling through his phone with the special stylus designed for paws, leaving fishy smudges on the screen.

The afternoon brings a series of conference calls where Blizzard’s deep, rumbly voice repeatedly triggers the automated system to ask, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” After the third disconnection, he resorts to typing his responses in the chat, his frustration evident in the ALL CAPS messages peppered with accidental emojis.

Before clocking out, Blizzard stops by the supply closet to “borrow” more honey packets for his morning tea, unaware that the security camera has captured his pilfering for the past six months. As he waddles toward the exit, his fur static-clings several important documents to his back, which he’ll unknowingly transport home and discover in his evening shower.

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